I quite like this chapter. Five lines must count as concise and concision is what I'm aiming for, so.
That said, it could be cut if I wanted to make the story more conventional. Could perhaps reuse it as an aside later on but it would probably have to be rephrased - Calysia is much too depressed this early on for anything to be dropped straight into later, more fulfilling times.
Might be good to just slip in a reference once she reaches the war zone if the comic goes ahead.
That said, it could be cut if I wanted to make the story more conventional. Could perhaps reuse it as an aside later on but it would probably have to be rephrased - Calysia is much too depressed this early on for anything to be dropped straight into later, more fulfilling times.
Might be good to just slip in a reference once she reaches the war zone if the comic goes ahead.

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