The last line is not right. (Perhaps will be easier to fix once the repeat in Calysia's dream has been written?) "I had chosen not to kill" might be stronger but there's still some concern with then getting that to match precisely the repeat.
Swearing necessary? Calysia is not the sort to screen language and she tends to associate with soldiers, yet I have some concern that using "fuck" so much in my first chapter is just going to give the impression that I'm an idiot trying to show my maturity by using curses. Not arguing against the idiot tag. Arguing that I don't want my story facing a negative brand from the start.
Does Calysia seem self-satisfied yet self-damning enough? Yeah. Yeah, I think she does.
THAT LAST LINE IS SO BLOODY IMPORTANT WHY ISN'T IT RIGHT YET.
For all my misgivings with the chapter - the more I re-read it, the more I feel it's overdone, overly angsty, overly Lysia-esque - it does give immediate insight into Calysia as a character. Her narrative voice is as bruesque as her attitude when it comes to dealing with patients; she has a habit of looking down her nose at people and presuming things about them without a great deal of evidence to back up her thoughts; she's a medic but far from the motherly nurse figure; and she definitely has something on her mind. She favours bleak conclusions and is fairly insightful.
I guess, as first chapters go, that makes it fairly informative.
Swearing necessary? Calysia is not the sort to screen language and she tends to associate with soldiers, yet I have some concern that using "fuck" so much in my first chapter is just going to give the impression that I'm an idiot trying to show my maturity by using curses. Not arguing against the idiot tag. Arguing that I don't want my story facing a negative brand from the start.
Does Calysia seem self-satisfied yet self-damning enough? Yeah. Yeah, I think she does.
THAT LAST LINE IS SO BLOODY IMPORTANT WHY ISN'T IT RIGHT YET.
For all my misgivings with the chapter - the more I re-read it, the more I feel it's overdone, overly angsty, overly Lysia-esque - it does give immediate insight into Calysia as a character. Her narrative voice is as bruesque as her attitude when it comes to dealing with patients; she has a habit of looking down her nose at people and presuming things about them without a great deal of evidence to back up her thoughts; she's a medic but far from the motherly nurse figure; and she definitely has something on her mind. She favours bleak conclusions and is fairly insightful.
I guess, as first chapters go, that makes it fairly informative.
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